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Thursday, October 6, 2016

Top 10 Crazier Ideas Pitched By Elon Musk

Top 10 Crazier Ideas Pitched By Elon Musk

If you thought the Hyperloop and Mars missions sounded farfetched, here are ten crazier ideas from Elon Musk.

Edward Moron
Daily Bungle

The past year have seen wild yet forward thinking proposals pitched by playboy philanthropist Elon Musk, from high speed trains in vacuum tubes to Mars-bound rockets that may or may not explode.

While these proposed innovations have wowed the clickbait-seeking public, many concern-trolling "skeptics" have dismissed them as wild fantasies of a nerd with too much money.

For those Doubting Thomases who insist that Musk's ideas can’t get any crazier, we here at the Daily Bungle have news for them.

We've recently received a leaked list of ideas brainstormed by Musk himself that make the Hyperloop and Space X look plausible in comparison. Here are the top ten:

1) A machine that extracts sunshine from flowers, vegetables, and other plants.

2) A new form of renewable clean energy generated by internet social media outrage.

3) A process that transforms human feces back into edible food.

4) Portable, carry around toilets for people who are too shy to share public restrooms with trans folk.

5) New computer special effects that make Sarah Silverman appear funnier than she actually is.

6) Augmented-reality glasses that prevent whiny millennials from seeing micro-aggressions and other triggers.

7) Prosthetic limbs that make Donald Trump's tiny hands appear bigger.

8) Guilt-sensing bullets for cops that only penetrate and kill their targets if they are armed and dangerous.

9) Computer keyboards that explode whenever internet trolls un-ironically type terms such as "cuck" and "beta male."

10) Artificial islands for anti-vaxxers who refuse to vaccinate themselves and their children.

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Author's notes: I don't care how implausible the Hyperloop and Space X program sounds. I want to see high speed trains and Mars missions, and Elon Musk wants to throw money at them. It's a win-win situation for everyone.

P.S.: At least two of these suggestions actually derive from "Gulliver's Travels". Can you guess which two they are?