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Wednesday, March 30, 2016

This Week In Review #40


We here at the Daily Bungle wish to provide a public service by testing our readers to see how well they can differentiate fake news from real news. Below are five news stories. Four are fake, but one is real. Can you tell what's satire and what isn’t?

College Students Protest “Someone Disagrees With You” Billboard


College Students Protest “Someone Disagrees With You” Billboard

Billboard expressing free thought causes college students to feel “triggered” by its “microaggression.”

Tim Russet Potato
Daily Bungle

One lone billboard expressing the fact that differing opinions exist was enough to create widespread panic within the student body of a local university.

Last week, a billboard with a plain white background and the message, “Any opinion you have, someone disagrees with it,” was erected across the street from the entrance to Farnsworth University, set up in such a manner that it would be visible to everyone entering and leaving the college.

Only two days after the billboard was erected, more than fifty F.U. students gathered on the campus quad in protest of it. Student protesters carried signs reading “free speech is hate speech” and “your rights end where my feelings begin”, and expressed fear, frustration, and even anger over the billboard’s message.

“I’m supposed to feel comfortable and safe here,” one student said. “I don’t deserve to feel afraid at my school, and the very idea that other people may not have the same opinions and beliefs that I have makes me fear for my life.”

Wednesday, March 23, 2016

This Week In Review #39


We here at the Daily Bungle wish to provide a public service by testing our readers to see how well they can differentiate fake news from real news. Below are five news stories. Four are fake, but one is real. Can you tell what's satire and what isn’t?

Trump Speeches Make People Dumber, Study Proves


Trump Speeches Make People Dumber, Study Proves

Dumb politician’s dumb speeches dumbs down dumb people, scientists say

Dan Blather
Daily Bungle

In a finding that should surprise no one who does not believe that White Castle sliders are a food group, Donald Trump’s political speeches have been revealed to make people dumber, according to a study published at Farnsworth University.

“Most people already knew that Donald Trump’s rhetoric attracted people of low intelligence and education, but our most recent findings now show that his speeches can actually lower the intelligence of people even further,” head researcher, Abe Veous, commented during an interview.

The research for the study was conducted through several small focus groups consisting of 50 participants each.

Each participant in each group was given a worksheet of math equations for them to solve, ranging from simple arithmetic such as “4+6” to much more complicated algebraic equations.

Wednesday, March 16, 2016

This Week In Review #38


We here at the Daily Bungle wish to provide a public service by testing our readers to see how well they can differentiate fake news from real news. Four of the following stories are fake, but one is real. Can you tell the real news from the satire?

Kanye West Crap Pic Creates Controversy


Kanye West Crap Pic Creates Controversy

“Imma let you finish, but my toilet has the best crap of all time,” the controversial rapper boasted.

Tom Broken
Daily Bungle

Kanye West creating controversy by acting like an asshole and causing crap isn’t newsworthy, but it is newsworthy when his latest controversy is literally crap produced fresh from his asshole.

The rapper stirred up internet drama when he tweeted a picture of a two-pound pile of crap that he had recently taken.

The crap itself was taken after spending more than two hours on the commode and upon taking an extra-strength laxative following three straight days of constipation. Prior to that, Kanye had been binging on Taco Bell breakfast menu items and Krystal burger sliders for nearly a week.

So impressed was the rapper of his two-pound turd that he had produced in his own ivory commode that he took a picture of it and tweeted it. Within less than two hours, his crap picture gained more than one thousand likes and retweets.

Wednesday, March 9, 2016

This Week In Review #37


We here at the Daily Bungle wish to provide a public service by testing our readers to see how well they can differentiate real news from fake news. One of the following news stories is real. The rest are fake. Can you tell the satire from the real deal?

Melissa Click Now Working As Bouncer At Lesbian Bar


Melissa Click Now Working As Bouncer At Lesbian Bar

“You need to get out,” the former professor tells minors and non-lesbians trying to enter the gay bar where she now works.

Moron Dowd
Daily Bungle

Former communications professor Melissa Clark may no longer be lecturing at the University of Missouri, but she has since found new employment working as a bouncer at a lesbian bar.

Her new job entails guarding the front door of the bar, The Salty Clam, and checking photo ID to ensure that potential bar patrons are of legal drinking age. She also checks their attire to ensure that they appear “butch” enough—specifically, if they wear enough facial piercings and neon hair dye!

“You need to get out,” she told one person waiting in line who failed to meet the bar’s entry requirements. “This is a gender queer safe space, and your cis-hetero presence is defiling it. You need to get out right now.”

Usually, patrons who have been denied entry kindly heed her instruction and leave. Other times, Click has to call for “some muscle” to help escort more belligerent patrons off the premises.

“Her stubborn intolerance towards any individual who fails to meet her own arbitrary standards made her the most qualified applicant for this position, and she’s since done a good job keeping away any cis-hetero intruders,” said bar manager, Lizzie Dyke.

Wednesday, March 2, 2016

This Week In Review #36


We here at the Daily Bungle wish to provide a public service by testing our readers to see how well they can differentiate real news from fake news. One of the following news stories is real. The rest are fake. Can you tell the satire from the real deal?

Milo Yiannopoulos Gives College Protesters “Death By Glamour”


Milo Yiannopoulos Gives College Protesters “Death By Glamour”

The last living moments for protesters of conservative college speaker were “absolutely beautiful.”

Peter Jesting
Daily Bungle

More than 50 college students protesting a speech by Milo Yiannopoulos, a contributor to the Breitbart News Network, went off in style after the controversial conservative pundit gave them “death by glamour.”

Yiannopoulos was offering a speech at Farnsworth University (FU) earlier this week when, predictably enough for a conservative speaker such as himself, he was interrupted by college students protesting his very presence on their campus.

During his speech, he was discussing how too many college students have been raised and taught to violently oppose any worldview that contradicts their own, to which one college student in the audience screamed “check your privilege, ****lord!” before being joined by other protesters in throwing garbage at him and chanting “shut the f*** up!”

The conservative pundit then transformed into a pink killer robot with high-heeled boots, mascara, and handsome looks to literally die for after one of the protesters “flipped his switch.” He then exclaimed “Oh yes!” before performing an elaborated dance number with multi-colored laser lights, killer pyrotechnic effects, poison smoke effects, and confetti bombs that turned the protesters into glitter-covered corpses.