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Wednesday, October 19, 2016

Top 10 Things You Will Not Hear At Tonight’s Debate


Top 10 Things You Will Not Hear At Tonight’s Debate

Many things will be heard at the final presidential debate tonight, but these will not be any of them.

Katie Incorrect
Daily Bungle

Tonight marks the final presidential debate between Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump. Some of you are eagerly looking forward to watching tonight’s debate, while the rest of us will be pre-occupied binge-watching Luke Cage on Netflix.

While many Americans who have not given up on the debates past the first five minutes of the first debate are wondering what will occur tonight, we here at the Daily Bungle have compiled the following list of things that will most certainly not be heard during tonight’s debate:

This Week In Review #54


We here at the Daily Bungle wish to provide a public service by testing our readers to see how well they can differentiate fake news from real news. Below are five news stories. Four are fake, but one is real. Can you tell what's satire and what isn’t?

Poll: Americans Fear Election More Than Killer Clowns


Poll: Americans Fear Election More Than Killer Clowns

Creepy clowns may be unsettling, but not so much as the current election, survey shows.

Moron Dowd
Daily Bungle

Despite countless creepy clown sightings this year, Americans are much more fearful of the potential outcome of the 2016 election, a recent survey shows.

According to a recent Daily Bungle poll, only 5 percent of Americans are afraid of encountering a creepy clown at night. The remaining numbers show that 50 percent fear a Trump presidency, 40 percent fear a Hillary presidency, and the remaining 5 percent had no idea that it was an election year.

During an election year where both presidential candidates are scoring all-time historic unfavorable ratings among potential voters, most of whom would rather vote for Harambe the Gorilla or Deez Nutz, it almost seems unsurprising that they would fear the next president more than they would creepy clowns.

In fact, one young child who had recently encountered such a creepy clown sighting while on her school playground claimed that she was more traumatized by the current presidential election than she was by her clown sighting.

“The worst that a clown would do would give me nightmares for life, while the next president would put me in a living nightmare for the next four to eight years,” the anonymous 8-year-old said.

#####

The Daily Bungle
“News so messed up, it almost seems real.”

******

Author’s notes: Originally, I was going to write a satirical article on a fake “Clown Lives Matter” protest in response to the recent clown sightings, but then I learned that, not only was there going to be a real “Clown Lives Matter” protest, but that it was canceled after its organizers received death threats. Sometimes life truly is more satirical than satire.

Thursday, October 6, 2016

Top 10 Crazier Ideas Pitched By Elon Musk


Top 10 Crazier Ideas Pitched By Elon Musk

If you thought the Hyperloop and Mars missions sounded farfetched, here are ten crazier ideas from Elon Musk.

Edward Moron
Daily Bungle

The past year have seen wild yet forward thinking proposals pitched by playboy philanthropist Elon Musk, from high speed trains in vacuum tubes to Mars-bound rockets that may or may not explode.

While these proposed innovations have wowed the clickbait-seeking public, many concern-trolling "skeptics" have dismissed them as wild fantasies of a nerd with too much money.

For those Doubting Thomases who insist that Musk's ideas can’t get any crazier, we here at the Daily Bungle have news for them.

We've recently received a leaked list of ideas brainstormed by Musk himself that make the Hyperloop and Space X look plausible in comparison. Here are the top ten:

This Week In Review #53


We here at the Daily Bungle wish to provide a public service by testing our readers to see how well they can differentiate fake news from real news. Below are five news stories. Four are fake, but one is real. Can you tell what's satire and what isn’t?

Thursday, September 29, 2016

Top 10 Ways The Debates Would’ve Been Worse


Top 10 Ways The Debates Would’ve Been Worse

If you thought the debates were bad, remember that they could always be worse.

Katie Incorrect
Daily Bungle

Like most Americans with a sense of decency and good taste—which sadly makes up only the smallest of minorities these days!—we here at the Daily Bungle were equally repulsed by the cringefest of a dumpster fire known as the presidential debates earlier this week.

However, we would like to assure our readers that, as bad as those debates were, they could have been worse—and, unfortunately, chances are the remaining debates will prove just that!

To prove that the debate between Clinton and Trump really wasn't that bad, here are ten ways they could have been worse:

This Week In Review #52


We here at the Daily Bungle wish to provide a public service by testing our readers to see how well they can differentiate fake news from real news. Below are five news stories. Four are fake, but one is real. Can you tell what's satire and what isn’t?

Wednesday, September 21, 2016

Top 10 Reasons Why You Should Vote For Hillary


Top 10 Reasons Why You Should Vote For Hillary

Hillary will be our new president, so vote for her. Resistance is futile.

Matt Lower Quality
Daily Bungle

Hillary Clinton is currently running neck-to-neck against Donald Trump. The presidential race wouldn’t be so tight were it not for those meddling millennials and their mangy third parties. Were it not for more appealing independents, voters would flock towards the not-so appealing two party candidates, especially Hillary!

We here at the Daily Bungle believe that Hillary is the clear choice for the White House, and we’re not just saying that because she paid us to—honestly, we swear! So to help inform our readers about the best presidential candidate ever, here are ten reasons why they should vote for Hillary:

Pentagon's Missing $6.5 Trillion Found Under Sofa


Missing $6.5 Trillion From Pentagon Found Beneath Sofa

Pentagon's missing trillions found where most loose change found: between the sofa cushions.

Katie Incorrect
Daily Bungle

The $6.5 trillion reported missing from the Pentagon last month has since been recovered after being discovered underneath the sofa cushions.

The Pentagon had previously been unable to account for $6.5 trillion worth of Army general fund transactions and data, according to a Department of Defense Inspector General’s report last month.

The money has since been discovered where most loose change goes missing: underneath the sofa cushions next to the missing car keys, a McDonald's coupon for a free Big Mac, and several dust bunnies.

Wednesday, September 14, 2016

Top 10 Reasons NOT To Vote For Gary Johnson


Top 10 Reasons NOT To Vote For Gary Johnson

Johnson is not a serious candidate, and here are ten reasons why everyone else totes is.

Anderson Pooper-Scooper
Daily Bungle

Being faced with the choice of either Clinton or Trump, many Americans, especially young people, are expressing strong support for third-party candidates like Gary Johnson.

Despite this, many Americans simply refuse to “Feel the Johnson.” Left-wingers like Benjamin Studebaker argue that Johnson is worse than Trump, while on the opposite side of the spectrum, right-wingers like Paul Joseph Watson feel that Johnson isn’t a real libertarian.

We here at the Daily Bungle agree that Gary Johnson is not the best choice for president—which is why we officially endorse Vermin Supreme!—and to help aid undecided voters, we offer them these ten reasons why Johnson simply isn’t worth voting for:

This Week In Review #51


We here at the Daily Bungle wish to provide a public service by testing our readers to see how well they can differentiate fake news from real news. Below are five news stories. Four are fake, but one is real. Can you tell what's satire and what isn’t?

Trump Confuses Aleppo With Greek NYC Diner


Trump Confuses Aleppo With Greek NYC Diner

"Have you tried their gyros? They're yuuuuuge!"

Walter Crockpot
Daily Bungle

In a futile effort to make Gary Johnson appear more ignorant about his embarrassing “What is Aleppo?” gaffe, both Donald Trump and Hilary Clinton made even more ignorant and embarrassing gaffes about the Syrian city.

Trump, under the impression that Aleppo was a Greek diner in Manhattan, commended the place for its great people and atmosphere and its even greater food.

“Aleppo’s is a great place, wonderful place, and it’s owned by one of the best men in town,” Trump said. “He and his staff are some of the best, and they make great food, the best food. I make it an effort to eat there at least once a week, once a month. You should try their gyros. They make the best gyros in town. Especially their shawarma. It’s yuuuuuge!”

Thursday, September 8, 2016

This Week In Review #50


We here at the Daily Bungle wish to provide a public service by testing our readers to see how well they can differentiate fake news from real news. Below are five news stories. Four are fake, but one is real. Can you tell what's satire and what isn’t?

Top 10 Ways To Prevent Theft


Top 10 Ways To Prevent Theft

Instead of teaching people how to protect themselves from theft, teach thieves not to steal.

Moron Dowd
Daily Bungle

The release of former rapist Brock Turner from his extremely lenient three-month prison sentence has elicited much discussion concerning rape.

Many feminists have used this opportunity to speak out against “rape culture”, insisting that rape prevention should focus less on teaching women how to protect themselves from rape and more on teaching men not to rape.

We here at the Daily Bungle commend these feminists in their valiant efforts, and share their belief that the most effective way to curb crime is to teach criminals not to commit crimes.

As such, we have created this handy-dandy list of tips on how pick pockets and other petty thieves can avoid stealing:

Thursday, September 1, 2016

Daily Bungle Returns From Summer Hiatus


Daily Bungle Returns From Summer Hiatus

News staff fails to notify readers of their absence upon leaving for summer vacation in June.

Dan Blather
Daily Bungle

For Daily Bungle subscribers baffled at the lack of news coverage this summer, the entire newspaper staff had previously left for a collective summer break, thus placing the weekly newspaper on hiatus during that time.

It was the Daily Bungle’s intention to notify readers of our publication’s hiatus, but most of the staff were so excited to leave immediately for vacation that no one remembered to publish a notice of the hiatus.

Upon returning from our collective summer break, we here at the Daily Bungle apologize for this inconvenience, and we wish to inform our readers that our regular news coverage will commence next Wednesday.

Friday, June 10, 2016

This Week in Review #49


We here at the Daily Bungle wish to provide a public service by testing our readers to see how well they can differentiate fake news from real news. Below are five news stories. Four are fake, but one is real. Can you tell what's satire and what isn’t?

New UK Reality Show: "Who Wants Healthcare?"


New UK Reality Show: "Who Wants Healthcare?"

New British game show allows people to decide who lives or dies in their national healthcare system.

Dan Blather
Daily Bungle

With the country having the worst healthcare in the developed world, the United Kingdom has opted to make their healthcare system more "democratic" by giving the people direct control over healthcare decisions--quite literally!

The country that provided the world with reality television shows such as "Survivor" and "Big Brother" has produced a new potential hit game show, "Who Wants Healthcare?", which, true to its title, allows viewers to decide who receives healthcare from the British National Healthcare System.

Wednesday, June 1, 2016

This Week In Review #48


We here at the Daily Bungle wish to provide a public service by testing our readers to see how well they can differentiate fake news from real news. Below are five news stories. Four are fake, but one is real. Can you tell what's satire and what isn’t?

Voting Booths To Be Converted Into Suicide Booths For Upcoming Election


Voting Booths To Be Converted Into Suicide Booths For Upcoming Election

New booths will facilitate voters who would rather die than vote for either Trump or Clinton.

Anderson Pooper Scooper
Daily Bungle

With both Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump scoring historic unfavorable ratings among potential voters, the U.S. government plans on converting voting booths into suicide booths as to allow voters to taste the sweet release of death rather than live four to eight years under either candidate’s presidency.

When voters enter these combination booths this November, they will be given the option of voting for either Clinton or Trump, or for committing suicide. If voters choose suicide, they will meet their ultimate demise right there and then, with the added option of selecting a death that is “quick and painless” or “slow and horrible.”

Wednesday, May 18, 2016

This Week In Review #47


We here at the Daily Bungle wish to provide a public service by testing our readers to see how well they can differentiate real news from fake news. One of the following news stories is real. The rest are fake. Can you tell the satire from the real deal?

ISIS Thanks Obama For Growing Ranks


ISIS Thanks Obama For Growing Ranks

More drones have created more ISIS recruits, says ISIS leader in open letter

Tom Broken
Daily Bungle

In what may or may not be considered proof by the GOP that he's a “secret Kenyan Muslim” working to spread radical Islam, President Barack Obama received an open letter from ISIS thanking him for their growing ranks under his administration.

In his open letter to the president, head of ISIS Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi cited the drone strikes under Obama’s administration, which has approved more drone strikes than any previous administration, as the cause of ISIS’s rise to power and growing ranks, which have significantly increased by 4,400 percent during Obama’s presidency.

Specifically, al-Baghdadi cited the 2012 assassination of Anwar al-Awlaki and his 16-year-old son, along with the 2015 airstrike of a hospital in Afghanistan that killed 19 people including sick and dying patients, as significant atrocities that have radicalized civilians into becoming militant jihadists.

Wednesday, May 11, 2016

This Week In Review #46


We here at the Daily Bungle wish to provide a public service by testing our readers to see how well they can differentiate fake news from real news. Below are five news stories. Four are fake, but one is real. Can you tell what's satire and what isn’t?

Venezuela Starts Its Own Hunger Games


Venezuela Starts Its Own Hunger Games

“May the odds be ever in your favor,” the government tells its starving people.

Dan Blather
Daily Bungle

With the country driven to the brink of economic collapse by food shortages and rioting, Venezuela has decided to alleviate its food crisis by initiating its own version of the Hunger Games.

In similar fashion to the popular dystopian young adult franchise, the Venezuelan government will divide its country into 13 districts and draft two children from each district to compete in gladiatorial-style games.

The last child to remain standing in this to-the-death competition will be rewarded with a year’s supply of food for their district, while the remaining 12 districts will continue to loot and riot for their next meal.

Wednesday, May 4, 2016

This Week In Review #45


We here at the Daily Bungle wish to provide a public service by testing our readers to see how well they can differentiate fake news from real news. Below are five news stories. Four are fake, but one is real. Can you tell what's satire and what isn’t?

Hillary Clinton Eats Cheeseburger On Camera


Hillary Clinton Eats Cheeseburger On Camera

Hillary tries to convince common people that she too eats common people food.

Katie Incorrect
Daily Bungle

In yet another blatantly pandering attempt to convince the American people that she’s one of them, Hillary Clinton videotaped herself eating a cheeseburger.

Earlier this week, Hillary’s campaign YouTube channel uploaded a video of the Democratic presidential frontrunner enjoying a McDonalds cheeseburger and French fries.

In an almost Andy Warhol video style, the four minute-long video consisted of Hillary slowly unwrapping her burger, dousing it with ketchup, and silently eating it bite by bite.

Aside from her introducing herself at the very beginning, the presidential candidate remained silent throughout the remainder of the video.

Though admittedly bizarre, the purpose of the video was for Clinton to prove to the American people that she eats the same type of food as they do and does so “one bite at a time.”

“I may have made more money by giving a dozen speeches to Wall Street than the average American will ever make in money in a lifetime, but I’d like to think of myself as just as down as earth as the rest of you are, and that I still enjoy the simpler things in life like McDonalds,” she explained.

However, Clinton may have missed the entire point of the video, as the burger she consumed on camera had be delivered to her from a McDonalds in France via her private jet, and she had eaten it from off of a silver platter using golden silverware and rare silk napkins and washing it down with expensive Swiss mineral water.

Wednesday, April 27, 2016

This Week In Review #44


We here at the Daily Bungle wish to provide a public service by testing our readers to see how well they can differentiate fake news from real news. Below are five news stories. Four are fake, but one is real. Can you tell what's satire and what isn’t?

Cartoon Network Reboots Adventure Time, Steven Universe


Cartoon Network Reboots Adventure Time, Steven Universe

Popular cartoon channel to recreate its most popular shows with a stronger emphasis on “dank memes.”

Katie Incorrect
Daily Bungle

After having successfully (at least in their own opinion) updated classic shows such as Powerpuff Girls and Teen Titans for the next generation, Cartoon Network plans on doing the exact same thing for its more modern shows like Adventure Time and Steven Universe.

Both shows have barely been around for a decade, with Adventure Time having aired for six seasons and Steven Universe only approaching its third, and yet the network wants to re-adapt these modern shows for a modern audience.

“Call us cray-cray, but if re-packaging older shows as brand new totes worked for Powerpuff Girls, then how can the same thing not work out by re-packaging new shows as balla new, you know what I’m saying, playa?” asked Cartoon Network president Christina Miller while gesturing in what she assumed were gangsta signs in a sad attempt to not appear over 30 years old.

Wednesday, April 20, 2016

This Week In Review #43


We here at the Daily Bungle wish to provide a public service by testing our readers to see how well they can differentiate real news from fake news. One of the following news stories is real. The rest are fake. Can you tell the satire from the real deal?

Family Guy To Air Episode Based On The Aristocrats


Family Guy To Air Episode Based On "Aristocrats" Joke

The animated show infamous for lowering the bar for network television wants to lower the bar even further.

Walter Crockpot
Daily Bungle

What do you get when Peter Griffin and his family visit a talent agency to propose a raunchy new act? The Aristocrats.

That's the premise of an upcoming controversial episode of the equally controversial animated sitcom Family Guy.

The new episode will follow the narrative of the infamously dirty joke, "The Aristocrats", in which a family of five propose a raunchy act to a talent agent.

The act itself is too vulgar to describe in words. Sufficed to say, it contains plenty of bodily fluids, gratuitous sex and nudity, and a shameless ridicule of 9/11 victims.

Creating an episode around such a tasteless joke is controversial enough on its own, but perhaps more so is that this episode is planned to be aired uncensored.

Wednesday, April 13, 2016

This Week In Review #42


We here at the Daily Bungle wish to provide a public service by testing our readers to see how well they can differentiate real news from fake news. One of the following news stories is real. The rest are fake. Can you tell the satire from the real deal?

Future Predictions For Trump Or Hillary


Earlier this week, the Boston Globe published a satirical front page for their Sunday Edition in which they featured potential headline stories under a Donald Trump presidency.

In the same spirit, the Daily Bungle would like to offer their predictions for developments under either a Trump or Hillary Clinton presidency. (Because would there really be any difference between either warmongering Wall Street stooge presiding in the White House?)

Here are the top ten things that will most likely occur within the next four to eight years under either Trump or Hillary:

Wednesday, April 6, 2016

This Week In Review #41


We here at the Daily Bungle wish to provide a public service by testing our readers to see how well they can differentiate real news from fake news. One of the following news stories is real. The rest are fake. Can you tell the satire from the real deal?

Clinton Proposes Suing Rope Manufacturers For Hanging Suicides


Clinton Proposes Suing Rope Manufacturers For Hanging Suicides

Rope companies that sell rope used in hangings should hang themselves--figuratively speaking, insists Hillary Clinton.

Tom Broken
Daily Bungle

In yet another effort to convince the American people that she cares for them and not for her campaign donations from Wall Street banks, Hillary Clinton claimed she would hold rope manufacturers responsible for suicidal hangings committed by their rope if she were president.

During a political rally last week, Clinton advocated for legislation that would allow family members and friends of suicide victims who have hung themselves to sue the rope manufacturers that sold and distributed the rope used in the hangings.

Clinton’s bold proposal reflects similar legislation currently being pushed by Democrats that would allow victims of gun violence to sue gun manufacturers and dealers for the harm caused by the weapons they manufacture and sell.

Wednesday, March 30, 2016

This Week In Review #40


We here at the Daily Bungle wish to provide a public service by testing our readers to see how well they can differentiate fake news from real news. Below are five news stories. Four are fake, but one is real. Can you tell what's satire and what isn’t?

College Students Protest “Someone Disagrees With You” Billboard


College Students Protest “Someone Disagrees With You” Billboard

Billboard expressing free thought causes college students to feel “triggered” by its “microaggression.”

Tim Russet Potato
Daily Bungle

One lone billboard expressing the fact that differing opinions exist was enough to create widespread panic within the student body of a local university.

Last week, a billboard with a plain white background and the message, “Any opinion you have, someone disagrees with it,” was erected across the street from the entrance to Farnsworth University, set up in such a manner that it would be visible to everyone entering and leaving the college.

Only two days after the billboard was erected, more than fifty F.U. students gathered on the campus quad in protest of it. Student protesters carried signs reading “free speech is hate speech” and “your rights end where my feelings begin”, and expressed fear, frustration, and even anger over the billboard’s message.

“I’m supposed to feel comfortable and safe here,” one student said. “I don’t deserve to feel afraid at my school, and the very idea that other people may not have the same opinions and beliefs that I have makes me fear for my life.”

Wednesday, March 23, 2016

This Week In Review #39


We here at the Daily Bungle wish to provide a public service by testing our readers to see how well they can differentiate fake news from real news. Below are five news stories. Four are fake, but one is real. Can you tell what's satire and what isn’t?

Trump Speeches Make People Dumber, Study Proves


Trump Speeches Make People Dumber, Study Proves

Dumb politician’s dumb speeches dumbs down dumb people, scientists say

Dan Blather
Daily Bungle

In a finding that should surprise no one who does not believe that White Castle sliders are a food group, Donald Trump’s political speeches have been revealed to make people dumber, according to a study published at Farnsworth University.

“Most people already knew that Donald Trump’s rhetoric attracted people of low intelligence and education, but our most recent findings now show that his speeches can actually lower the intelligence of people even further,” head researcher, Abe Veous, commented during an interview.

The research for the study was conducted through several small focus groups consisting of 50 participants each.

Each participant in each group was given a worksheet of math equations for them to solve, ranging from simple arithmetic such as “4+6” to much more complicated algebraic equations.

Wednesday, March 16, 2016

This Week In Review #38


We here at the Daily Bungle wish to provide a public service by testing our readers to see how well they can differentiate fake news from real news. Four of the following stories are fake, but one is real. Can you tell the real news from the satire?

Kanye West Crap Pic Creates Controversy


Kanye West Crap Pic Creates Controversy

“Imma let you finish, but my toilet has the best crap of all time,” the controversial rapper boasted.

Tom Broken
Daily Bungle

Kanye West creating controversy by acting like an asshole and causing crap isn’t newsworthy, but it is newsworthy when his latest controversy is literally crap produced fresh from his asshole.

The rapper stirred up internet drama when he tweeted a picture of a two-pound pile of crap that he had recently taken.

The crap itself was taken after spending more than two hours on the commode and upon taking an extra-strength laxative following three straight days of constipation. Prior to that, Kanye had been binging on Taco Bell breakfast menu items and Krystal burger sliders for nearly a week.

So impressed was the rapper of his two-pound turd that he had produced in his own ivory commode that he took a picture of it and tweeted it. Within less than two hours, his crap picture gained more than one thousand likes and retweets.

Wednesday, March 9, 2016

This Week In Review #37


We here at the Daily Bungle wish to provide a public service by testing our readers to see how well they can differentiate real news from fake news. One of the following news stories is real. The rest are fake. Can you tell the satire from the real deal?

Melissa Click Now Working As Bouncer At Lesbian Bar


Melissa Click Now Working As Bouncer At Lesbian Bar

“You need to get out,” the former professor tells minors and non-lesbians trying to enter the gay bar where she now works.

Moron Dowd
Daily Bungle

Former communications professor Melissa Clark may no longer be lecturing at the University of Missouri, but she has since found new employment working as a bouncer at a lesbian bar.

Her new job entails guarding the front door of the bar, The Salty Clam, and checking photo ID to ensure that potential bar patrons are of legal drinking age. She also checks their attire to ensure that they appear “butch” enough—specifically, if they wear enough facial piercings and neon hair dye!

“You need to get out,” she told one person waiting in line who failed to meet the bar’s entry requirements. “This is a gender queer safe space, and your cis-hetero presence is defiling it. You need to get out right now.”

Usually, patrons who have been denied entry kindly heed her instruction and leave. Other times, Click has to call for “some muscle” to help escort more belligerent patrons off the premises.

“Her stubborn intolerance towards any individual who fails to meet her own arbitrary standards made her the most qualified applicant for this position, and she’s since done a good job keeping away any cis-hetero intruders,” said bar manager, Lizzie Dyke.

Wednesday, March 2, 2016

This Week In Review #36


We here at the Daily Bungle wish to provide a public service by testing our readers to see how well they can differentiate real news from fake news. One of the following news stories is real. The rest are fake. Can you tell the satire from the real deal?

Milo Yiannopoulos Gives College Protesters “Death By Glamour”


Milo Yiannopoulos Gives College Protesters “Death By Glamour”

The last living moments for protesters of conservative college speaker were “absolutely beautiful.”

Peter Jesting
Daily Bungle

More than 50 college students protesting a speech by Milo Yiannopoulos, a contributor to the Breitbart News Network, went off in style after the controversial conservative pundit gave them “death by glamour.”

Yiannopoulos was offering a speech at Farnsworth University (FU) earlier this week when, predictably enough for a conservative speaker such as himself, he was interrupted by college students protesting his very presence on their campus.

During his speech, he was discussing how too many college students have been raised and taught to violently oppose any worldview that contradicts their own, to which one college student in the audience screamed “check your privilege, ****lord!” before being joined by other protesters in throwing garbage at him and chanting “shut the f*** up!”

The conservative pundit then transformed into a pink killer robot with high-heeled boots, mascara, and handsome looks to literally die for after one of the protesters “flipped his switch.” He then exclaimed “Oh yes!” before performing an elaborated dance number with multi-colored laser lights, killer pyrotechnic effects, poison smoke effects, and confetti bombs that turned the protesters into glitter-covered corpses.

Wednesday, February 24, 2016

This Week In Review #35


We here at the Daily Bungle wish to provide a public service by testing our readers to see how well they can differentiate real news from fake news. One of the following news stories is real. The rest are fake. Can you tell the satire from the real deal?

Bernie Sanders Plunges In Polls Following Koch Endorsement


Bernie Sanders Plunges In Polls Following Koch Endorsement

His supporters no longer “Feel the Bern” after conservative billionaire Charles Koch praised him on certain issues.

Dan Blather
Daily Bungle

Bernie Sanders took a massive nosedive in national polls after one of the Koch Brothers said that he agreed with the Democratic presidential candidate on certain issues despite their political differences.

The Vermont senator, who has been riding on a populist campaign fueled by young voters, saw his poll numbers decrease by as much as ten percent, causing him to fall far behind his rival, Hillary Clinton, with whom he had only recently and slowly caught up to in the polls.

This sharp decline in the polls came about following a Washington Post op-ed by conservative billionaire Charles Koch, the other half of the controversial Koch Brothers, opposite his brother, David.

Despite him and his brother donating heavily to conservative politicians and political causes, Charles said that he agreed with the Democratic senator that the political system has been heavily-rigged towards special interests, and that it required much-needed reform.

“The senator is upset with a political and economic system that is often rigged to help the privileged few at the expense of everyone else, particularly the least advantaged,” he wrote. “I agree with him.”

Wednesday, February 17, 2016

This Week In Review #34


We here at the Daily Bungle wish to provide a public service by testing our readers to see how well they can differentiate real news from fake news. One of the following news stories is real. The rest are fake. Can you tell the satire from the real deal?

Mussolini Nominated For Posthumous Nobel Peace Prize


Mussolini Nominated For Posthumous Nobel Peace Prize

Former Italian dictator nominated for peace prize for his “peace through strength ideology.”

Walter Crockpot
Daily Bungle

Benito Mussolini, the former Italian dictator responsible for the deaths of 400,000 Italians during World War II, has been nominated for a posthumous Nobel Peace Prize.

The Italian dictator is one of several nominations selected by the Norwegian Nobel Committee for a new posthumous prize to be awarded to historic figures whose actions in their life helped further the cause of world peace.

Other nominations being considered for this new award include Indian Independence leader Mahatma Gandhi, Russian novelist Leo Tolstoy, and Polio vaccine developer Jonas Salk, all of whom never won the Nobel Prize during their lifetimes.

However, the most curious nomination by far is that of Mussolini, the WWII Italian fascist dictator responsible for 430,000 deaths, including 400,000 Italians and 30,000 Ethiopians during the Italian occupation of Ethiopia.

The nomination was made by an unidentified Italian nominator who proposed Mussolini for his “vigorous peace through strength ideology”, and for the many contributions made under his rule, including mass infrastructure projects for railroads, sports stadiums, schools, and bridges, and subsidies towards the steel and iron industries.

“And don’t forget that he made the trains run on time,” the nomination letter further elucidated.

Thursday, February 11, 2016

This Week In Review #33


We here at the Daily Bungle wish to provide a public service by testing our readers to see how well they can differentiate fake news from real news.

This week, we're changing things up. Four of the following stories are real, but one is fake. Can you tell the satire apart from the real deal?

Not Satire: App Lets You Pay For Your Privilege


Unfortunately, I do not have a Daily Bungle article for this week. I will try to have one ready by next week. Until then, here’s an instance of reality reflecting satire.

Do you remember the Daily Bungle article I wrote a while back about a restaurant that charged its customers on a sliding scale based upon their “privilege” or lack thereof, with white males paying more for their meals than black women? Well, turns out there’s now an app for that.

I’m not kidding. There’s actual an app in development that will allow people to divvy up their meal tabs based upon their inherent privilege or lack thereof.

Wednesday, February 3, 2016

This Week In Review #32


We here at the Daily Bungle wish to provide a public service by testing our readers to see how well they can differentiate fake news from real news. This week, we're switching things up a bit. Three of the following stories are fake, but two are real. Can you tell the real deals from the not-so-real ones? (Hint: Fans of Radio Dead Air will recognize the real news story from their recent episode.)