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Wednesday, May 27, 2015

This Week In Review #17


We here at the Daily Bungle wish to provide a public service by testing our readers to see how well they can differentiate fake news from real news. Four of the following stories are fake, but one is real. Can you tell which stories are too fake to be news, and which one is too real to be satire?

World Mud News Briefs #1


Half Of U.S. Prison Population Are Actors, Fox News Says

Kim Bei Fong
World Mud

The following new briefs are a guest post from "The World Mud" and has been edited for style and grammar. For more articles, visit their deviantART page.

Fox News recently claimed that half of the U.S. prison population consists of actors hired by the Democratic Party to make American prisons look more overcrowd than they actually are.

Half of all prisoners within American prisons are “actors” hired to blame their “prison terms” on “drug laws” and “institutional racism” in a blatant attempt to make “tough on crime” and other law enforcement policies supported by Republicans look bad, Fox News Host Sean Hannity claimed on his nightly news program last evening.

Hannity then went onto defend the War on Drugs as a bold effort to defend “morality” from liberal Democrats eating away at Christian family values. He also made the bold claim that the police shooting of Michael Brown in Ferguson was a false flag operation orchestrated by the liberal MPAA studios in Hollywood to make American law enforcement look “racist.”

At the end of his revealing expose, Hannity expressed his desire to make illegal the mentioning of America’s per capita prison population.

When asked about the authenticity of these claims, Hannity declined to reveal his sources, and crossed his fingers behind his back as he swore on his grandmother’s tombstone that these claims were not fake talking points he was directed to make through a memo from Rupert Murdoch on behalf of the Koch Brothers.

*****

Wednesday, May 20, 2015

This Week In Review #16


We here at the Daily Bungle wish to provide a public service by testing our readers to see how well they can differentiate fake news from real news. Four of the following stories are fake, but one is real. Can you tell which stories are phony baloney, and which ones are unfortunately real?

Local School Bans Homemade Lunches


Local School Bans Homemade Lunches

Students will no longer be allowed to bring their own lunches, as that gives them an "unfair advantage" over students who don't.

Tim Russet Potato
Daily Bungle

School may be out for the summer, but once school doors re-open this fall, students will have to leave their brown paper bags and lunch boxes at home and learn to stomach cafeteria food.

The school board recently approved a controversial measure to ban homemade school lunches, setting cafeteria lunches as the default for all public school students.

This countywide moratorium on homemade lunches will prevent students from bringing their own from home, and instead require them to rely on their school cafeteria for their meals.

The decision to implement this measure was inspired by a new study from Ivory Towers University in England, which claims that students who have their lunches packed by their parents have an “unfair advantage” over those who don’t.

According to the professor who conducted the study, Yorick Khaee, children who eat school lunches prepared by their parents tend to have overall better grades and health, and as such, “unfairly disadvantage” children who have their meals served from the school cafeteria.

“I don’t think parents packing their children lunches should constantly have in their minds the way that they are unfairly disadvantaging other people’s children, but I think they should have that thought occasionally,” Khaee said.

Wednesday, May 13, 2015

This Week In Review #15


We here at the Daily Bungle wish to provide a public service by testing our readers to see how well they can differentiate fake news from real news. Four of the following stories are fake, but one is real. Can you tell the real news from the satire?

Rape Victim Triggered By Transgender Woman In Gym Locker Room


Rape Victim Triggered By Transgender Woman In Gym Locker Room

The presence of a naked transgender woman in a locker room caused a former rape victim to experience horrific flashbacks of her past trauma.

Tim Russet Potato
Daily Bungle

Planet Fitness prides itself in offering a “judgement-free zone” where all of its members can feel comfortable, but one local gym faces a dilemma in ensuring that two members feel comfortable, even though the presence of one make the other feel uncomfortable.

A local gym received complaint from a female member, and former rape victim, concerning a transgender woman using the women’s locker room.

The woman who made the complaint (and who declined to provide her name), was a former rape victim who claimed that the transgender woman’s presence in the dressing area made her feel uncomfortable due to her past rape experience.

Planet Fitness offers a "no-judgment" policy which allows members to use whichever locker room best associates with their “gender identity”, which means that members who are biologically male are allowed to use the women’s locker room if they identify as female.

Earlier this year, a Michigan gym expelled a female member after she complained (in an “inappropriate” manner) about a transgender women using the women’s locker room.

However, in the case of this local incident, the gym did not and would not consider revoking the membership of the complaining female member, as they sympathize with her concerns and situation, one gym representative said.

The gym has not yet decided what it would do to facilitate either or both gym members, but has assured that they plan on reaching a compromise.

Wednesday, May 6, 2015

This Week In Review #14


We here at the Daily Bungle wish to provide a public service by testing our readers to see how well they can differentiate fake news from real news. Four of the following stories are fake, but one is real. Can you tell the real news from the satire?

Safe Spaces Provided For Male Students At Feminist College Speech


Safe Spaces Provided For Male Students At Feminist College Speech

Male college students feel “triggered” by feminist speaker, retreat to “safe spaces” with free beer and pornography.

Katie Incorrect
Daily Bungle

A recent speech by a controversial feminist professor caused male college students to retreat by the droves into male-only “safe spaces” created to safeguard them against any “triggering” and “problematic” comments.

Lodi Breequoes, dean emeritus of gender studies at Farnsworth University (FU), recently gave a speech entitled “Men: What Are They Good For? Absolutely Nothing!” in which she claimed that all men were “potential rapists” indoctrinated by their “patriarchal society” to “hate” and “oppress” women.

While her audience that evening started out with a healthy balance of students from both genders, nearly halfway through her speech, most male, and a few female, students had left.

Male “men’s rights” student activists, prior to the event, has set up male-only “safe spaces” outside the auditorium where the speech was held, offering male students somewhere to retreat to if they felt “triggered” or “threatened” by the female professor’s opposing views.

These safe spaces were furnished with free beer, pizza, chicken wings, Playboy magazines, video games, and a large flatscreen television broadcasting the most recent sports game. At least two dozen male students congregated within these safe spaces during and after the speech.

Prior to the speech, male students had also placed “trigger warning” signs outside of the auditorium, warning students that the speech would contain “misandrist” language.

One photo posted on Twitter showed a male student holding up a sign reading “TRIGGER WARNING: anti-male bashing ahead” and advertising the location of the safe space.

As for the feminist speaker herself, Breequoes merely brushed of the backlash against her speech as a symptom of “male entitlement”, calling the male students “neo-reactionary chauvinists” who were shedding “male tears” over the loss of “white male privilege.”

“Everything that I said during my speech were merely the mainstream views held by modern feminists, and if a few immature boys get upset over it, then it’s only because of their unearned white straight cis-gendered male privilege,” Breequoes said.