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Wednesday, October 19, 2016

Top 10 Things You Will Not Hear At Tonight’s Debate

Top 10 Things You Will Not Hear At Tonight’s Debate

Many things will be heard at the final presidential debate tonight, but these will not be any of them.

Katie Incorrect
Daily Bungle

Tonight marks the final presidential debate between Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump. Some of you are eagerly looking forward to watching tonight’s debate, while the rest of us will be pre-occupied binge-watching Luke Cage on Netflix.

While many Americans who have not given up on the debates past the first five minutes of the first debate are wondering what will occur tonight, we here at the Daily Bungle have compiled the following list of things that will most certainly not be heard during tonight’s debate:

This Week In Review #54

We here at the Daily Bungle wish to provide a public service by testing our readers to see how well they can differentiate fake news from real news. Below are five news stories. Four are fake, but one is real. Can you tell what's satire and what isn’t?

Poll: Americans Fear Election More Than Killer Clowns

Poll: Americans Fear Election More Than Killer Clowns

Creepy clowns may be unsettling, but not so much as the current election, survey shows.

Moron Dowd
Daily Bungle

Despite countless creepy clown sightings this year, Americans are much more fearful of the potential outcome of the 2016 election, a recent survey shows.

According to a recent Daily Bungle poll, only 5 percent of Americans are afraid of encountering a creepy clown at night. The remaining numbers show that 50 percent fear a Trump presidency, 40 percent fear a Hillary presidency, and the remaining 5 percent had no idea that it was an election year.

During an election year where both presidential candidates are scoring all-time historic unfavorable ratings among potential voters, most of whom would rather vote for Harambe the Gorilla or Deez Nutz, it almost seems unsurprising that they would fear the next president more than they would creepy clowns.

In fact, one young child who had recently encountered such a creepy clown sighting while on her school playground claimed that she was more traumatized by the current presidential election than she was by her clown sighting.

“The worst that a clown would do would give me nightmares for life, while the next president would put me in a living nightmare for the next four to eight years,” the anonymous 8-year-old said.


The Daily Bungle
“News so messed up, it almost seems real.”


Author’s notes: Originally, I was going to write a satirical article on a fake “Clown Lives Matter” protest in response to the recent clown sightings, but then I learned that, not only was there going to be a real “Clown Lives Matter” protest, but that it was canceled after its organizers received death threats. Sometimes life truly is more satirical than satire.

Thursday, October 6, 2016

Top 10 Crazier Ideas Pitched By Elon Musk

Top 10 Crazier Ideas Pitched By Elon Musk

If you thought the Hyperloop and Mars missions sounded farfetched, here are ten crazier ideas from Elon Musk.

Edward Moron
Daily Bungle

The past year have seen wild yet forward thinking proposals pitched by playboy philanthropist Elon Musk, from high speed trains in vacuum tubes to Mars-bound rockets that may or may not explode.

While these proposed innovations have wowed the clickbait-seeking public, many concern-trolling "skeptics" have dismissed them as wild fantasies of a nerd with too much money.

For those Doubting Thomases who insist that Musk's ideas can’t get any crazier, we here at the Daily Bungle have news for them.

We've recently received a leaked list of ideas brainstormed by Musk himself that make the Hyperloop and Space X look plausible in comparison. Here are the top ten: